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A high signal to noise ratio will help you have an effective conversation.
I have noticed that the words "I don't disagree" (IDD) reduces the signal to noise ratio of a conversation.
What does IDD mean? What do I recommend if you are in the habit of saying IDD? What do I recommend if you hear someone say IDD?
Logically it seems like it means I agree --
- Disagree means have a different opinion
- Thus I don't disagree transforms to I don't have a different
opinion
- I don't have a different opinion is logically equivalent to I have the same opinion
- I have the same opinion is logically equivalent to I agree
- Therefore, I don't disagree is logically equivalent to I agree
Although I don't disagree (IDD) is logically equivalent to I agree, does its meaning reflect the intended meaning of the person who
said IDD? No, in my experience, IDD rarely means I agree.
For instance,
a colleague, Jason, responded, "I don't disagree." seven times to
conjectures made by his colleagues during a meeting yesterday. On the eighth
instance, when he said IDD loudly in response to my conjecture, I ask him, "Does IDD mean
that you agree with me?"
I watched him carefully: He hesitated. His eyes looked up to the ceiling
then down to the ground. Eventually he looked at me and softly said,
"No, not really." "What did you mean by IDD?", I ask inquisitively. He paused for
several seconds. He stared at the ground and then slowly looked up and replied, "I said IDD to prevent any
arguments so I could talk." "Wow, thank you for the honesty.", I heard myself say.
After the meeting, Jason told me he wanted to share his own conjecture without sharing
his opinion about my conjecture. For him, IDD was like executing a No Operation
(NOP) command on the processor of some computers. This machine instruction
takes one cycle to process but it doesn't change the state of the machine. In other words, it does nothing.
There are situations where consuming a processor cycle but doing nothing has value:
NOP can be use to solve timing issues with connected components. But people don't
say IDD to solve a timing issue. It creates ambiguity and, unlike a NOP, it changes the state of the
conversation. The changes IDD create isn't signal but rather they are noise.
If you are in the habit of saying IDD, I suggest rethinking whether those words effectively communicate your desired meaning. If you want the floor, skip the IDD
and say what is on your mind. If you hear others say IDD repeatedly, when it is
said to you, ask the person, "Does that mean you agree with me?" I think you will
discover it means something much different than, "I agree."
©2007 Steven M Smith
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